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Ranking Trump’s best nicknames

Ranking Trump’s best nicknames

By Reese Keusch ’19


Donald Trump’s presidency is, if anything, a controversial one. Although you may not like a lot of what Trump has done, credit is due where credit is deserved: Donald Trump’s nicknames for people are fantastic. Now, I know what you’re thinking: Trump has created dozens of nicknames for people, how long is this list going to be? Don’t worry, I’m limiting my list to a top 11, and it will only include his names for people, which means Clinton News Network (CNN) and Deface the Nation (Face the Nation) won’t be on this list.

11. 1 for 38 Kasich

Ah, John Kasich, the third wheel of the Republican primaries. As one of Trump’s biggest conservative critics, Trump and Kasich have been bickering up until this very day. But back when their relationship started during the primaries, Kasich won only his home state of Ohio out of the 38 that had results. This nickname may not be Trump’s most creative, but is still quite comedic due to how literal it is.

10. Sloppy Steve

No one seems to be on poor Steve Bannon’s side. The left hates him, and now his old buddy Trump feels the same way. Bannon was Trump’s Chief Strategist until The Donald did what he does so well, and fired him. So salty Steve Bannon went on to help publish Michael Wolff’s not-so-Trump-friendly book “Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House.” This is when Trump pulled out the big guns, criticizing Wolff and Bannon and creating the name “Sloppy Steve.” While I’m not quite sure where the “sloppy” comes from, the name has a very nice ring to it.

9. Cryin’ Chuck

A year ago, Trump mocked Schumer for pretending to cry over the Travel Ban. A month ago, Trump called him out for flip-flopping on the Iran Nuclear Deal and James Comey’s quality as an FBI director. This is not only a clever reference to fake tears, but it does always look like poor Chuck is upset about something. Perhaps it’s all of Trump’s winning.

8. Low Energy Jeb

Oh, Jeb. The Florida Governor had so much to live up to, with his father and brother both previously the Commander in Chief. While he didn’t have what it took to make it to the White House this past election, he always has the opportunity to go for it again. However, according to President Trump, Jeb just didn’t have the energy, which led to the coining of Trump’s term, “low-energy individual.” Perhaps this is why ol’ Jeb felt the need to put an exclamation point next to his name during his campaign. 

7. McMuffin

Independent Presidential candidate Evan McMullin. A McDonalds Egg McMuffin. One of them Trump ate for breakfast. The other one is a cheap ham, egg and cheese sandwich on an English muffin. Genius.

6. Al Frankenstein

Ex-Senator Al Franken is a disgusting milksop who has been accused of sexual harassment. This comparison is honestly offensive to the original Frankenstein, but this name has made the list due to the clever word play. If I wasn’t so upset about the jab at Frankenstein, this would have been higher.

5. Crooked Hillary

While “Lyin’ Hillary” and “Heartless Hillary” may be great, the name “Crooked Hillary” has become one of Trump’s most infamous creations. Not only has Hillary Clinton made herself an enemy of the political right, but has similarly alienated herself from the left, due to her multiple scandals and demagoguery. Hence the word “crooked,” and also why she lost the election. But she’ll just say that not enough people “Pokemon-went-to-the-polls.”

4. Lamb the Sham

Pennsylvania House Member Conor Lamb is not an extremely well known political figure, and his feud with Trump is nothing special. But let’s be honest, this nickname is by far the most fun to say.

3. Pocahontas

Okay, before all you snowflakes have a hissy fit about my “cultural appropriation,” just hear me out. Elizabeth Warren should be proud of this nickname if she is in fact Native American. Pocahontas is a well respected and grieved historical figure, so if anything, the so called “appropriation” would come from Trump using Pocahontas as an insult, and not have anything to do with him questioning Warren’s heritage. In fact, many Cherokee, the tribe by which Warren claims she’s descended from, are upset at Warren. Overall, this is a slightly unseemly nickname that also happens to be extremely creative, but what else would you expect from our president?

2. Little Marco

This is just a classic, plain and simple. This nickname for Florida Senator Marco Rubio is a prime example of how simplicity is the hallmark of sophistication. Big Don showed this masterful debate rhetoric during one of the 2016 Republican primary debate, and continued to refer to Rubio as Little Marco throughout his campaign. While the name itself might already be enough to make it this high on the list, “Little Marco” also inspired several of Trump’s future nicknames, including “Liddle Adam Schiff,” “Little George [Stephanopoulos]” and even the number one spot on this list.

Little Rocketman

Kim Jong-Un has been all over the news for several years now, but it seems like Trump could be bringing an end to the madness at the upcoming meeting between the two leaders. However, there was a time where the bickering between the two was making a couple of people worry about some nukes being launched, but it seems Trump’s boasting and teasing on twitter brought Little Kim around to the idea of peace. Business Insider even suggests that Un also has good taste in nicknames, supposedly having a good laugh at Trump’s tweets. All politics aside, a combination of an Elton John song, a reference to the nuclear tension, and an emasculating adjective is the perfect formula for great nickname.

While it will be hard for Trump to trump any of the nicknames on this list, another prospective six years in office gives him tons of time to brainstorm. While I will concede that Donny sometimes needs to learn where the line is and not to cross it, if these nicknames trigger you in any way shape or form, maybe you don’t understand the ultimate goal of them. The nicknames are a perfect example of why people voted for Trump; he said what many people were thinking in his own way, he criticized the media and politicians that so many people have lost faith in. But thankfully, Trump is no ordinary politician.

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