Searching for an ally in the war against healthy food

Searching for an ally in the war against healthy food

Jenna McNicholas, Staff Writer

The obsession has seduced the minds of many of my friends, and I fear that I am one of the few that have not been tainted by the creeping healthy food obsession.

It starts innocently.  I’m casually trying to catch up on the instagram posts I’ve missed, and before I know it, I’m confronted with endless posts of foods that are every shade of green and resemble something that I would find growing directly out of dirt.  Frustrated by these “healthy food posts” clogging my instagram feed, I put my phone down, and decide to actually socialize with my friends sitting around me.

Alas, these people are not my friends, but merely traitors, as they are all munching on their own green salads that they took the time to either make at home, or buy at what is affectionately known by them as “Organic” (Organic Market).

All of this is suspicious activity, but what I find most concerning and off putting is the fact that people actually take time out of their sleep cycle to make a salad for lunch. I find this concept simply absurd.

This lurking pressure to convert surrounds me everywhere.  I find myself commonly tricked.  If a friend asks if I want to hang out for lunch, I agree, merely because I am seeking some sort of social interaction.  But before I know it, I’m trapped in a car with one destination: freshii.

I know the argument: “nothing tastes better than skinny feels,” or something like that.  But let me tell you this: there’s something to be said for ice cream sundaes, fried oreos, and salty fries dipped in a black and white milk shake.  And it’s not even the scrumptious taste I’m talking about, but rather the experience and memories that are made with it.  While the food is being devoured, the friendship is being built.

You can’t tell me that kale and string beans have the inherent power to mend a broken heart, because only one thing has that: chocolate.

Yes, I may get my Vitamin K from carrots and my calcium from broccoli, but healthy food doesn’t have the other tangibles, and I’m talking about the comfort and warmth you feel after devouring a Mint Oreo Blizzard at Dairy Queen with your best friends.

I will end with a warning.  Our generation should not fear robots taking over the world or a zombie apocalypse, but rather being brain-washed by the healthy food obsession that has already taken ahold of so many victims.