Well folks, it’s college interview time again. Once again, seniors like me have become dump trucks for fluffy advice along the lines of “smile and remember all the smart phrases you practiced and everything will be swell!!”
But what about where everything can go wrong? We’ve been coddled long enough. The great American philosopher George Santayana famously said: “those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”
Although Santayana was more likely referring to the rubbery meatloaf his wife obstinately cooked every week, the same principle applies well to college interviews.
So to ensure you don’t reattempt others’ failures, the five most stupid interview responses to generic questions will be posted over the course of the next five days.
So toughen up kids. These are the plausible responses that could make an interviewee of Sarah Palin’s caliber cringe
#1: The Badly Concealed Lyric
Interviewer: Are there any hardships that you’ve faced in your life- if so, how did you manage to overcome them?
Interviewee: Yes, I’ve dealt with some tough days in my life, but they’ve made me the person I am today so I’m grateful.
Interviewer: Do you mind elaborating?
Interviewee: Of course. It’s a heart-wrenching story, so bear with me. Well I was born and raised in West Philadelphia; most of my time was spent on the playground. Anyway, I was just relaxing and playing croquet one day when a couple of guys who were morally bankrupt started making trouble in my living region. I got into one physical conflict with them and my mother told me I needed to live with my aunt in Bellaire for my own safety.
Interviewer: That sounds oddly like the words to the Fresh Prince of Bellaire theme song!
Interviewee: The what?
Interviewer: You know, the Fresh Prince of Bellaire. The 90’s sitcom with Will Smith- I’m pretty certain you just reworded that song.
Interviewee: I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t know anything about popular culture.
Interviewer: Let’s just move on. So why do you want to go to school in Boston?
Interviewee: I have a simple explanation. It is the concrete jungle where dreams are made of- there is nothing you can’t do.
Interviewer: Listen you idiot, that’s not even the right city!
Lesson: Quoting Alicia Keys in a college interview is just as annoying as doing so in a Facebook status: remember this: you will look stupid and obnoxious rather than poetic. Do not steal inspirational song lyrics to bolster your own life story.
