Emma Greenberg ’18

The new parking rules at Staples, plainly put, are horrible. They’ve been met with widespread criticism at every level of the Staples community, and I wanted to share some of the hardships I face. Administration, please take note of the atrocities that just one student out of the many now faces during her morning commute.
For one thing, there is the decrease in traffic in the morning. All of a sudden there are only seven minutes of traffic as opposed to the normal 13. This is very bad for me because now when I walk in late to my first period class, with a Starbucks coffee in hand, I can’t blame it on the traffic anymore. Now my teachers will know that I just wanted to go to Starbucks and blow off their class.
Secondly, I feel badly for juniors. I really do. They have to get up an extra 15 minutes earlier every morning to walk a quarter mile to and from school. I can’t actually imagine what that’s like, being as I had what many historians are now referring to as “junior parking.” The administration fails to understand the schism this decision has created between me and my friends in the junior class. It seems as though every conversation they have is about their parking hardships, something to which I simply cannot relate. Now I know how in “Mean Girls” Cady feels when Regina George talks about the size of her pores.
Don’t even get me started on the numbered spots. The fact that the administration is trying to be accommodating to the senior class by giving them their preferred spots has absolutely backfired. I used to look forward to aimlessly driving around the vast parking lots looking for a space when I would come in late to school. It was another great excuse to miss class. And having a spot right next to the school entryway has left me deficient in Vitamin D. I used to rely on my twice daily walks to and from my car to soak in those sweet solar rays, before I began my afternoon ritual of huddling over my computer to watch Netflix in the dark until 3 or 4 a.m. Principal James D’Amico, expect my medical bills in the mail next week.
As you can see, these new parking installments are no bueno. I can’t believe this is what the administration is choosing to spend their “valuable” time and resources on. We have real issues that need to be addressed. For instance, the cafe always runs out of California rolls by third lunch on Sushi Mondays, and I’ve heard rumours that one of our kayaks has a hole in it.