I’d like to say this to all of the well meaning adults who have been constantly inquiring about the status of the my college applications, as well as rest of the Class of 2012…
ENOUGH ALREADY!
After all, I know you have the best of intentions. But you need to put yourself in our shoes. We need reading glasses after poring through tens of thousands of pages of Fiskebarronskaplanprincetonreview guide books that falsely promise to pick The Right Colleges for us. We’ve stared at our Naviance profiles until we’ve gone cross-eyed. We lay awake at night terrified by traumatic experiences at endless college fairs that feel more like flea markets of so called higher education. In short, we’re all a bunch of nail biting basket cases right about now.
The adults don’t even realize how intrusive they’re being with their so-called innocent questions. Their idea of small talk is only about the most important decision of my life.
For example, my dad’s good friend patted me on the shoulder the other day and said “Hey kiddo, heard you took the SATs recently! Tell Uncle Tony how’d ya score?”
Like any good SAT multiple-choice question, I had four potential responses from which to choose.
A) “Wow look at the time! Good talking to you. I have to go wash my hair.”
B) “I’ll show you my SAT scores if you show me your tax returns.”
C) “Didn’t your young girlfriend take them a few years ago? How’d she do?”
D) All of the above.
But more often than not, the well-meaning adult cuts right to the chase, and asks us, “So, have you chosen your school yet?” Um, hello? There are only about 4,352 colleges… Why don’t you let me sleep on it and I’ll get back to you first thing tomorrow?
My friend Julia’s dad takes a different approach. He is one of those parents that love to brag about how great his alma mater is, as if my agony of choosing a college is a time capsule for him to boringly reminisce about “the best time of his life.”
The fraternities, the parties, the freedom, the girls! Ho-hum, he probably didn’t even notice when I walked out of the room while he prattled on about days gone by. What began as an annoying intrusion now just developed into an irritating story about a 50-year-old man’s glory days.
Perhaps worst of all is the adult who tries to impress by suggesting they have an “in” to get me through the admissions process to their super prestigious school of choice.
Two things are certain of this particular kind of adult: 1. They are making this “special offer” to every college bound teenager within the tri-state area. 2. They can’t do anything to help you. It’s an ostentatious power play meant to give a false impression of importance and influence. God forbid you should take them up on their offer, your phone calls and emails will go unreturned.
Maybe I protest too much When I really think about it, these people mean well whether they’re sincere or not. They’re genuinely concerned about my future. Despite their good intentions, this is a road I walk alone. (Well, my parents are trailing close behind with their check books to pay those nasty tuition bills.)
Believe me everyone, you’ll be the first to know when I get my acceptance letter from Harvard.
