I once told an out-of-state friend that I was from Connecticut. In response, they promptly fired back, “Top 10 states that sound like they’re fake but are actually real.”
I fell to my knees, deeply offended by their statement. I mean, how could anyone slander the state with the famous pickle bounce test?
Furthermore, how could you say anything rude about a state whose state fish is the American shad. I mean, I might not know a lot about what a shad is, but I know it has scales and a tail, so what more could you want from a state fish? Not all fish have to be sparkly, colorful and unique (looking at you, clownfish). And at least our state is courteous enough to name a state fish that is easy to pronounce, unlike Hawaii’s state fish: the Humuhumunukunukuapua`a. Don’t ask me to pronounce that.
And you know hamburgers? They were created in the beautiful state of Connecticut. That’s right. They did NOT originate in Germany like some foolish Europeans might try to claim. Only a state of our cuisine caliber could make two pieces of bread and ground beef be one of the most famous (albeit unhealthy) foods you could eat in your lifetime.
We’re even called “The Nutmeg State” and that’s much better than New York’s take on a state nickname. I mean who names their state “The Empire State” (narcissistic much?). Who cares if our origin is because we used to scam people with fake nutmeg, you’re distracting from my main point.
After hearing all of these points, how could you slander the place with the world’s largest bronze gorilla statue? How could you slander the home of the now abandoned Holy Land USA amusement park? I pray that after this, you recognize the greatest state in our union, the humble Connecticut, and no longer slander such a superior place. Consider this your final warning).
