Sad Day for Super Bowl Commercials

Joe Greenwald, Web Sports Editor

In America’s biggest sporting event of the year, where bathroom breaks during commercials are considered by many to be a felony, Super Bowl commercials are lauded and celebrated nationwide.

This year, however, could not live up to the hype.

Before Super Bowl Sunday, I was assigned to write about the Top 5 Super Bowl Commercials.
Instead, I will discuss the extremely shameful ones (and sadly there were quite a few) that failed to meet standard because, according to the Greenwald household, there wasn’t one funny commercial in the first quarter, and maybe only a few by halftime.

However, not all was lost as the Tide commercials swooped in to the rescue.  So, at least I will be able to end this article review on a high note.   I will close on a high note regarding the few commercial gems (such as the ones produced by Tide, thank God.) In my opinion, “Tide””was the only sponsor that came up with some true comedic flavor in their commercial.
DUD: GO-Daddy Commercial – I am not going to lie. I am clueless as to what GO-Daddy was going for with this one. A close-up of the “perfect match”, supermodel Bar Rafaeli and “Walter” (obscure actor Jessie Heiman) making out for several seconds with “unpleasant” sound effects did not sit well with the nachos and guacamole on the living room table. This was a complete fail, and from GO-Daddy no less!
DUD: Oreo Whisper Fight – This Library brawl over the best part of an Oreo (cookie or cream) was a nice idea, but poorly executed. There was a lot of physical action in the commercial (firefighters, table-flipping,) but the whisper debate that exists in the background failed to make me laugh. It could have been funny, but it wasn’t. A shame, really.
DUD: Audi Prom Night –As if  “Hey son,have fun tonight,” and a tossed set of Audi keys guarantees a high schooler attending prom alone the confidence to kiss the prettiest girl in school. I don’t think the girls appreciate aggressive approaches from guys, and getting a black eye never sweetens a deal.  Bravery? I think not. This one was too cliché.

DUD: Doritos, Dress Up Daddy – A bunch of grown men playing dress up with a young little girl can be misconstrued for the worst (creepy much?).  Some may disagree with me on this one, but this commercial showed the lesser side of Doritos’ potential. It just wasn’t that funny.

GEM: Doritos, Goat for Sale – Ignorant Man with un-groomed beard buys seemingly fun Doritos-eating goat from man in neck-brace, but is driven crazy by the sound of the goat chomping away. The goat screams like a girl, the man’s eye-twitch made many laugh, and the fast pace and sound effects that accompanied this little anecdote earned a howl from its audience and made it one of the rare gems of the night.

Runner Up: NFL’s Leon Sandcastle –Retired pro football Hall of Famer Deion Sanders disguising himself  as a rookie, scheming the league that is sponsoring this commercial with Electric Guest This Head I Hold (simply a great song) playing in the background, was absolute brilliance by the NFL’s ad writers. And the shot of him improvising the name “Leon Sandcastle” was quietly funny for those who know his real name.

GEM OF THE NIGHT: Tide, Miracle Stain – “I SAW THE STAIN” and “JOE, WHERE’D YOU GO” were the lines of the night, and the fact that the stain (or miracle) was washed by a Raven’s fan was curiously accurate foreshadowing for how the game played out. It was relevant, it was funny, and it was clever.  This was the biggest gem of the night, for sure, during a night of weak advertising.