Staples boys become ill with contagious fashion trends


Quinn Hughes, Breaking News Managing Editor

The birds are chirping, the snow is melting, and the trees are beginning to bud once again in Westport, Connecticut. It’s almost that frightful time of year when the Timberlands head back into the closet along with long pants, and the chubbies crawl out of their caves with their overpriced midcalf friends, having just awoken from their winter slumber.

I’m not quite able to put my finger on what exactly is the reason for my great distaste in the salmon and lemon trousers. Perhaps it’s that there is no individuality and everyone chooses the same obnoxiously bright colors. Maybe it’s the way guys try to wear them as high above the knee as they can. Or maybe it’s the way the wearers lean against walls with both hands in their pockets, thumbs peaking out, as they give confident smirks to hallway travellers.

Actually, none of that irks me quite as much as the way that people let their lanyards dangle out of their shorts without a care in the world. What is the point of a lanyard if your keys stay in your pocket? Is it to show off that you have keys? Because, if so, that’s arguably just as obnoxious as the color of your pants – “Yo everyone! Check me out I’ve got a car!” Or perhaps it’s more to show off your designer lanyard. What does that even mean, designer lanyard? The entire situation baffles me.

I can sit around and sulk about the impending fashion trends, or I can just enjoy the numbered days I have of sub 50 degrees and the appropriate attire that comes with them.