Graphic by Matty Jacowleff
Members of the Facebook cult-community live off the motto: “pics or it didn’t happen.” At this point, Facebook’s sole purpose has devolved to helping kids show their friends how much fun their life is.
A quick scroll through Facebook and you’ll find picture from parties, concerts and other intriguing experiences that everyone else missed out on.
However, while high schoolers utilize Facebook to look their coolest, this mission doesn’t come without obstacles. See, there are also the old geezers — the old geezers that we call family — who investigate Facebook to keep tabs on you.
As much as I love spending time with you family, there is both a time and a place for conversations with my Aunt Suzy.
If there is one thing that I know, the place for Aunt Suzy is certainly not Facebook.
The story is always the same, get tagged in a picture from the latest party, start racking up the likes, feeling like the big man on campus, and then suddenly the dreaded happens.
You get a notification that your Aunt commented on the photo, “Looks like fun hun! You grew up so much! We love and miss you!”
All street cred flies out the window.
First off, what’s the deal with old people and exclamation points?
Look at any Facebook interaction with your Aunt, you will find an exclamation point in 73 percent of sentences.
Second, why don’t you just hit me up on chat?
I mean I know you’re proud to be the Aunt of my clearly magnetic persona but I got girls to impress and your shouting approval isn’t going to get that done for me.
Hopefully we will soon get 100,000 signatures on a petition to keep anyone older than 40 off of Facebook.
Hey, if they got a petition to deport Justin Bieber, anything is possible right?