Don’t Be That Kid

You can find them in every class at Staples. For all you know, I could be talking about the person you’ve been sharing a lab table with all semester. We’ve all witnessed them in action, and sadly, some of us have even epitomized them. I’m talking about “that kid.” Every year I’m faced with the challenge of ignoring these special gems in my classes, hoping it will get better. Nope. It’s impossible. “That kid” never fails to ruin what could have been a perfectly good class period, and here’s why:

1. The “is this going to be on blackboard” kid. They have their iphone in their hand with the My Staples app open, their computer open in front of them, and their assignment book lying on their desk. But still, they need to know if the assignment being given to them at that exact moment will be on Blackboard.

2. No one, I repeat, NO ONE wants to hear the kid who blows their nose during class. The sound of it sends chills down the spine of everyone in the classroom. Yet for some reason, there is always that boy or girl who considers his/herself exempt to this rule. Wrong. NO one is exempt. I personally think tissues should be banned from the school in general. And as for those despicable individuals who have the audacity to blow their nose more than once in the same class period- it is time to take a nice hard look at yourself in the mirror.

3. Let’s not forget the girl putting on a dance review under her desk. Everyone taps their feet from time to time, and I get that, but you are not a Rockette. This is not Radio City Music Hall, and 10 straight minutes of foot tapping is ten minutes too long.

4. To the kid in everyone’s gov class who constantly feels the need to announce his test grade to the entire class: it’s really really cool that you got a 99.5. I’m positively thrilled. No. I’m having more and more trouble suppressing the urge to hit you in the face with a textbook. I think I would volunteer to fail the next test if it meant that you failed with me.

5. The kid who still can’t hear his teacher read the word “breast” without exploding into a fit of giggles. And God forbid he hears “bosom.” Game over, he will be on the floor.

6. There’s also the kid who constantly has his iPod or iPhone headphones in his ears during class and thinks that he is performing some huge act of rebellion. He bobs his head all through the period, looking around with a smug grin on his face to see if anyone notices. Yes, we ALL notice…. but we also know that you’re not listening to music…so badass.

7. Finally, the kid in my math class who consistently shouts out the answer to questions I ask the teacher is the single worst thing that’s ever happened to me. He sits all the way across the room in the opposite corner, but is sure to make his presence known. This kid sets a new standard for the term “know-it-all.”