Stuck in AP Counting

I have an in-depth theory as to why I’m bad at math. It all started back in first grade…

I went to the doctor one day, complaining because I used to get horrible headaches constantly, during which I saw white dots in front of my eyes that flickered like the flashes of a camera. Turns out, I suffered from chronic migraines.

With this newfound diagnosis came my own personal “Get Out of Jail Free” card. Whenever I felt a little woozy, I could leave class immediately and head to the nurse’s office for a nap.

Well, by some odd coincidence, I began to always get these “headaches” during math, regardless of what time of day it was. At some points during first grade, I would go two weeks without ever attending a math class.

I missed everything from learning about fractions (still to this day, they are my nemeses) to long division (don’t even ask me what that entails). I just never got the basics.

I guess it’s a little silly to blame my mathematical woes on missing basic counting and numbering. But in all honesty, I will admit that I just plain suck at math. Headaches aside, math will never be my thing.

For those of you out there who also hate math, I’ve provided some advice b low that has guided me through years and years of math. Read below and you can be as successful in the mathematical world as I am.

First, try to avoid math at all times. Particularly avoid things like telling time, figuring out change or tips and calculating grades, simply because of the mathematical skill involved. If you ask me to tell you how many minutes are left in the period or how many groups a class of 30 should have, there is about a 90 percent chance I will get it wrong. Rather than face these awkward times, I opt to do no math at all. So far, it’s worked out pretty well (except for the fact that I never know if my grades are accurate or if I’m overpaying a bill by a lot.I was probably wrong about that percentage I mentioned earlier anyway. Those are hard…)!

My second tip would be that when you are getting back grades, just pretend they’re better than they are, and you will essentially trick your brain into thinking so.

For example: one time I got back a 50 on a math test. Now, being the wiz that I am, I assumed that the test was out of 50; therefore, I had gotten a 100. However, turns out the test was out of 100 points (surprise, surprise) and I had actually received an F. Oops! If I had just kept those silly little 50 points out of my mind, my grade would have been exponentially better…

Last, but certainly not least, play up your inability to do math. Trust me, it works. All through elementary school, I got taken out of class for special one-on-one time with this teacher who used to let me count colored blocks over and over. Talk about a bonus!

Sure, I had to miss part of recess because I could never count without those blocks therefore spent way more than the allotted time trying to count on my fingers, but whatever because I received some pretty great toys from being horrible at math.

My mathematical abilities have hindered me my entire life. But honestly, I don’t care.

I can joke about being in AP Counting and sometimes I can even laugh about bad test scores, because I know math doesn’t define me. What I lack in math I make up for in other areas in my life, and in a way it feels ten times better when I do actually have those rare moments of success in math.

Do I care that some of my brother’s friends are in a higher math class than I am?

Not in the slightest.