Join the discussion.

Inklings News

Join the discussion.

Inklings News

Join the discussion.

Inklings News

Parents with Parties: Where to draw the line

Parents with Parties: Where to draw the line

It’s a Friday night. Girls can be found crowded in front of a mirror, mascara tube in one hand, cell phone in the other, guys can be found crowded in front of an x-box, controller in one hand, cell-phones in the other.  Plans are underway.  This is part one, and it’s only the beginning of the two-part series known as high school parties.

            But for some, this is where the common path to partying takes a slight detour.  This is when the mother joins her daughter at the mirror; the father takes a seat on the couch in front of the x-box.  It’s the start of what an anonymous student has dubbed “reliving their glory years.” 

It’s parents who party.

            Called “awkward” and “uncomfortable” by most students, others have said that it’s “chill.” Whatever the feelings on the subject may be, a number of Staples parents participate in parties hosted by their own children.

Freshman health is devoted to educating students on its risks, TAG has built itself on raising awareness about its effects, and Principal John Dodig informs the student body multiple times each year that it is illegal, yet underage drinking at Staples continues to be supported by the parents who engage in it.

 

Party Fouls

Westport Youth Detective Serenity Dobson is familiar with the issue of parents participating in parties.  She recalls an incident just last summer in Wilton where parents got an infraction for serving alcohol to minors. In the time she has worked for the town of Westport, Dobson has yet to confront a similar conflict, but believes that it is “unacceptable, irresponsible, and doesn’t show good judgment.”

Although Dobson, and perhaps other Westport police, has yet to encounter this issue, Staples students have seen it slip beneath the radar.  Multiple students said they had drunk, played drinking games or smoked weed, with parents present or participating.

One senior girl granted anonymity recalls a party where parents mixed and served cocktails to students who were generally unaccustomed to drinking anything besides beer and straight hard alcohol.  The student remembers the situation with feelings as mixed as the drinks.  “Obviously [parents] know [drinking] happens, but it’s weird when they do it with us.”

The same student was at a party without parents, and when that changed, so did the party atmosphere.  “The parents came home and literally took shots with us,” the student said.  As the night progressed, the parents participated in drinking games, such as “ruit,” and continued to warn the kids that they needed to stay quiet to avoid attracting attention from neighbors.  Ultimately, the possible repercussions of the scenario put the student in an uncomfortable position.  “It freaked me out.”

An underclassmen girl expressed a similar reaction to parents who watched her and her friends play drinking games.  The idea of an adult watching her engage in something clearly illegal made the student feel uncomfortable and awkward.  “It’s as if [the parents] can’t let go of their glory days,” the student said.

 

The Voice of the Party-Goers

Not all students experienced the same discomfort.  A junior girl who wished to remain anonymous says a parent can seem social and friendly by participating in parties.  One night at a friend’s house, a parent asked the student if she had any “weed,” and from there, it progressed into smoking marijuana with the middle-aged Westport mother of a friend. “She was chill, and really nice,” the student said. “Everybody loved it.”

But a freshman who asked to remain anonymous did not feel so comfortable with a similar scenerio.    “If my parents partied with me, I’d be really embarrassed and ashamed.”  It’s more than just personal humiliation, he said:  “parents shouldn’t be drinking with 15 year olds – that’s just creepy.”

Gwen Beal ’12 feels the same way. “I don’t know that I would really want to hang out with my friends’ parents at a party,” Beal said.

 

To Host or Not to Host

Whether or not parental supervision makes high school drinking safer is a matter of opinion, but a senior girl granted anonymity said she felt safer at a party where parents were present.  While the teens gathered in the basement, the parents and their friends remained upstairs, fully aware of the drinking going on below them.  This knowledge aided the parents in the decision to have everyone who drove sleep over.  “No one was going to drink and drive home, which is most parents’ fear, but they trusted us, and it was very organized,” said the student.

             Another student who asked to remain anonymous agreed that a parent at a party can protect students from danger:  “People are much safer if parents are there and know about drunk driving, because then the parents collect keys.”

Overall, the approach of supervised partying has its pros and cons, experts say. While it is legal for a minor to drink with his/her own parent’s consent, it remains illegal for other students to drink without their own parents consent, whether or not an adult is on the premises. No matter how regulated the drinking is, the scenario can lead to major legal repercussions.

A Westport mother granted anonymity due to the illegality of the actions said she would rather her child not drink at all due to studies showing that the earlier a child drinks alcohol, the higher the chances are of alcoholism. “With that being said,” said the mother, “I think supervised drinking by a responsible grown-up would be safer than unsupervised drinking.”

 

A Stricter Approach

Joyce Sixsmith, a Westport mother and a substance abuse counselor, has built a career trying to keep teens safe. She believes the most important thing is for parents to talk with their kids and have an open relationship but to never support substance abuse.

“I’ve seen the tragedies that happen that start in the casual parties,” Sixsmith said.  “I do see the positive vendors in [parental supervision of drinking parties]. They’re trying to keep it contained. The problem is… there is just so much risk and liability. Sixsmith’s concern, she said, is “the kids, of course, but also the parents, their family life, and their future.”

            Chris Lemone, outreach counselor at Staples, said he has seen all different parenting strategies for dealing with this tough situation.

            “In my experience,” Lemone said, “I would venture to presume that there is a good majority of parents who kind of agree with the law and would prefer that their kids don’t drink until they’re of legal age.”

But the majority does not always rule, and Lemone believes that there are still other parents, maybe not as many in number but in just as powerful of a position, who believe that they are the parents, they make the decisions, and the state or government should not tell them how to run their child’s life.

            Lemone has seen this parenting perspective many times in his practice and has found that it can lead to different outcomes.  Many parents justify it because they believe that if a student is in high school, they’re old enough to make decisions on their own, Lemone said.

But Lemone, a parent as well as experienced substance abuse counselor, has a different view on the controversy. “I would be unbelievably pissed if another parent gave my kid alcohol when I don’t do it in my own home. There would be a problem and a half.”

            There are many different approaches to dealing with underage drinking, parents, students, and others said, and no right answer.  As Sixsmith said, “everyone has their own way and opinions on what’s okay and not okay in terms of underage drinking.” Dodig said he has dealt with this issue in adolescents for over 40 years, but the problems remain.  “If I could come up with a safe solution to underage drinking, I’d be a millionaire.”

View Comments (1)
More to Discover

Comments (1)

All Inklings News Picks Reader Picks Sort: Newest

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  • B

    B. PlattOct 24, 2011 at 9:34 am

    “I’ve seen the tragedies that happen that start in the casual parties,” Sixsmith said. “I do see the positive vendors in [parental supervision of drinking parties]. They’re trying to keep it contained. The problem is… there is just so much risk and liability. Sixsmith’s concern, she said, is “the kids, of course, but also the parents, their family life, and their future.”

    u 4got a quotation mark

    Reply