Megan Doyle ’18

Here’s a list of activities that I would prefer doing rather than watch “The Snowman:” take another SAT, sit through my cousin’s dance recital or read a math textbook for a whole weekend. In short, “The Snowman” was the worst two hours I’ve ever spent $10 on.

Although “The Snowman” was marketed as a horror filled action movie to get one’s heart racing, in reality, I almost fell asleep. Before the movie, I joked with my friends about leaving early because of the 8 percent rating it received on Rotten Tomatoes. Halfway through, I was seriously considering it.

The movie, which premiered on Oct. 20, follows two detectives as they attempt to identify a serial killer who targets mothers as it snows. Directed by Swedish film director Tomas Alfredson, it features Michael Fassbender as the lead, along with Rebecca Ferguson.

The entire movie feels like the first few minutes of a “Law and Order” episode, when the extras find a dead person and then proceed to call the cops. It’s the part that can be skipped over if running out of time. We spent two hours in anticipation of heart-racing action, and by the end, I was actually rooting for the killer so something would happen.

Amidst the boring scenes lie a few subtle plot points, which the viewer would only understand if they hadn’t zoned out already. Since these shifts are so understated, it’s hard to follow what is going on.

Every few minutes it seems like new characters are introduced and are not fully developed. This only perpetuates the confusion of the film and ultimately takes away from the story as a whole.

The two main characters are complete opposites; one is severely underdeveloped, while the other is annoyingly overdeveloped. The second is also extremely cliche, as he is a drunk who barely talks to his son. And I won’t even mention that his name was Harry Hole.

The only aspect of the film I can applaud is the landscape. Sweeping images of beautiful snow-covered trees and mountains connect the scenes. Also, the dark gray lighting supports the spooky atmosphere.

In addition, the killings themselves are stylistic. For example, one scene shows a snowy cliff with white birds gathered together, and when a shot is fired they scatter to reveal a disfigured corpse.

Overall, “The Snowman” is a tiresome horror wannabe that I would not recommend to even my worst enemy.