[April 2017] Will you be my roommate, please?


By: Jesse Levinson ’17

Hey guys, my name is Jesse Levinson (Lev), and I’m excited to announce that I will be attending Colgate University with y’all!
Although I know the majority of accepted students are still making their decisions, I’d love to share some interests of mine and perhaps connect with anyone interested in rooming with me.
If you would be so kind as to message me a brief, one-page resume in iambic pentameter explaining why you feel we would be compatible together, that would certainly aid my decision. LOL, just kidding bros! Instead, feel free to shoot me a text at (203) COLGATE, email me at ilovecolgatesewmuch@hotmail.com or hit up my Twitter, @memeloversonly.
Though I intend to go into next year undecided, I can certainly see myself pursuing English as a major. There’s just nothing like musing over one of my dog-eared books and smelling the arousing, dusty scent on each page. I’ve even grown to enjoy contemporary texts lately. To any ladies out there interested in perusing “50 Shades of Grey” with me, my Snapchat is “theboy_wholived.”
I don’t have many talents, but some of them include being introverted, getting picked last in pickup basketball and growing out my jew fro (LOL). I’m also a disc golf (you might know it as frolf) enthusiast, so you can “cash me ousside” working on some target practice most afternoons.
Well, that just about sums it up. Any broseph out there looking to ascend Jacob’s Ladder with me and spend our upcoming year in Heaven, you know how to get in touch with me.
To anyone not interested in my zealous profile, I can’t say I’m entirely surprised. I’m not used to having a cohort of friends, so perhaps it is for the best that my roommate options are fairly limited. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I have to sign off now––the school librarians are complaining that my keyboard noises are distracting to others.

Looking forward to meeting everyone in person (not that I need to; I’ve already diligently stalked your profiles),