Ho ho horrible holiday gifts

Jackie Cope, Features Editor

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It’s December. It’s officially appropriate to wear God-awful ugly sweaters, eat your body weight in milk and cookies, and respond to everything with “Bah Humbug.”

It’s that time of year. But sometimes, the season of giving goes awry. Some gifts are better off not given.

According to Retail Industry, 54 percent of presents are returned. This Black Friday weekend had record low sales, with consumers buying less and spending less on what they did buy. Looks like some people aren’t feeling so jolly.

Here are the top five worst gifts to receive during the holidays. Yep, worse than coal in your stocking.

  1. Deodorant

Don’t give someone deodorant. That’s not nice. Unless they smell really bad and it’s really a problem, in which case I guess you’re doing a public service. This counts as charity, so maybe you’re on Santa’s Nice List this year.

  1. Hair brush

You might as well say their hair is a rat’s nest. Not exactly subtle. This goes along with the deodorant; giving someone a hair brush is a not so subtle nod to their lack of hygiene. Drop some hints like “Your hair is so pretty when you brush it” before you go out and buy them this insulting gift. Or buy them a hat— same job gets done.

  1. Socks

Unless you’re Albus Dumbledore, who wanted socks for real, this gift kinda lacks pizazz. But if they’re cute socks, I retract my opinion. Socks can be cool and patterned and warm. They’re like hats for feet. To be honest, if you buy any of these gifts, go for socks.

  1. Acne Wash

Uh, yeah, don’t buy this. This is like pointing out someone’s skin flaws; “Yes! You have pimples! You must want this!” doesn’t sound so tactful, does it?

  1. Diet book

In the words of Stephanie Tanner of “Full House”: “How. Rude.” Nobody wants to be told they should lose weight. That’s really hurtful, hardly a present to be thankful for. Diet books are reserved for your own impulse buy in Walgreens, only to live forever at the bottom of your closet.

This holiday is a season to be thankful, but also to be generous. Give a gift worth giving. I recommend “Elf” on DVD and a mountain of seasonal ice cream.

Edy’s peppermint bark, anyone?

 

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