How to Survive the Cicada Invasion


Unfortunately for us, unlucky 2013 just got even unluckier. After years of hiding in the deep, dark forests, the cicadas are ready to invade all of Westport and ruin everyone’s summer barbecues, vacations, and parties.

And there’s no way around it.

Seventeen summers ago in 1996, all the cicadas laid their eggs and now they are finally hatching. Once they do so, the evil creatures will mate, lay their new eggs and die a couple weeks later to ensure that they ruin people’s summers again in 2030.

Although running around with a fly swatter won’t stop them, there are some measures that you can take to try and prevent them from ruining your life.

1. Wear Earplugs

If you see these little creatures and think, “They’re the size of my pinky finger, they can’t keep me up all night!” you are 100% wrong. Their mating noises can excel 120 decibels of sound, that’s louder than a snowmobile. No matter how ashamed you are to have styrofoam sticking out of your ears, it will be worth it to get some beauty sleep.

2. Secure your house

Be prepared to find a couple cicadas laying dead on your countertops, floors, and furniture. One way to reduce the number, however, is to put screens on your windows and close all vents that lead outside.

3. Worry about mosquitoes instead

We’re all used to getting bitten by mosquitoes in the summer, and that can be far worse. Just think positive, and remember that you are used to seeing bugs flying around your home.

4. Don’t sweat.

If the ancient Egyptians could live through the locust plague, you can survive cicadas. In fact, they are actually harmless to humans, besides causing them to get grossed out.

5.  Go on vacation

There’s no better way to avoid cicadas than to travel far, far away from them. Since they will mainly be infesting the Northeast, congratulate yourself on finishing the school year and go on a relaxing vacation.

Hopefully they won’t be as bad as they were made out to be in the 10 plagues, and remember that it will all be over before you know it.