Senioritis: The Disease That’s Sweeping The Senior Class

Once again, a blistering epi­demic has swept through the halls of SHS. As in past years, a shocking number of seniors have been felled by the rather debilitating affliction known as senioritis.

Its apparent cause appears to hinge on the completion of col­lege applications and entering the final semester of high school.

The symptoms of this disor­der are easy to detect. Inability to concentrate on anything school-related is the first obvious sign, and one that’s bound to make teachers grind their teeth.

But those with the dread­ful senioritis just have too much trouble staying focused when confronted with work. So just make sure you speak to them ex­tra loudly and perhaps threaten them a bit. That might help cut through the haze.

Another interesting symp­tom appears to be bladder control issues. When working with the afflicted, they tend to take long “bathroom” breaks. I would say there’s a 75% chance that if your senior leaves, they won’t be back for a good 10 minutes. No need to be worried for them, however. The afflicted seem magnetically drawn to one another, so there’s a good chance they can be found together. They’ve got each other’s backs.

I’ve also heard students men­tion that the victims show a clear lack of interest in doing most, if any, of their work. It appears, though, that this lack of interest is just an exaggerated form of procrastination, which is already a severe epidemic throughout students at Staples.

A sign the disease has reached an advanced stage is when the afflicted take on Zom­bie-like behavior, characterized by blank stares and a lack of par­ticipation in group work.

At this point, the senior be­comes mesmerized by his or her phone or laptop. Once those screens light up, there’s little chance that those seniors will be brought back to life. The Zombie stage is what causes the most harm to those free of the afflic­tion. This stage, with the seniors zoned out and less likely to par­ticipate, means that most of us younger students will be left with the bulk of the work