We are not alone

Graphic by Alicia Lourekas ’12
There are, in fact, extraterrestrial beings living on planet Earth.

Ok, laugh it up. “Aliens don’t exist, you’re an idiot,” you probably snicker to the person to your right. Whatever, don’t believe me, but if you want your mind to be blown, read the next few hundred words. July 1947, Roswell, N.M.

Early this month, the most important moment in human history took place. Aliens were encountered for the first time in world history.

According to a report in the Roswell Daily Record, two people, Mr. and Mrs. Dan Wilmot, claimed to see a flying saucer for approximately 40 or 50 seconds flying over Roswell. The disk appeared to be 15 feet in diameter and flying around 400–500 miles per hour (based on a rough estimation by Wilmot, should be somewhat accurate considering he worked in a hardware store).

Mr. Wilmot, according to the report, is one of the most reputable and reliable citizens in the town, therefore, this claim is not totally unwarranted.

While the Wilmots are the only people to claim to see the saucer, the 509th Bombardment group at Roswell Army Air Field announced at noon on July 8 that the field had come into possession of a flying saucer.

If you can’t believe the government, who can you believe?

Indisputably, this was solid evidence of the presence of extraterrestrial beings and UFOs. However, without video evidence, or proof of the actual saucer, this claim has always been a little suspect, so further research was necessary. August, 1997, Mexico City

On this day, without a doubt, the world changed.

The most impressive video evidence of a UFO was captured during mid-day in Mexico City. It is marvelously realistic, and at least a dozen other people claimed to have witnessed the flying saucer around the same time. Of course, it could have been staged—but that would be a conspiracy—or a dozen random people could all have decided to lie about seeing a flying saucer. But that theory can be thrown out the door for all intensive purposes, as can the former just because conspiracies never end up being true (besides Elvis, North Dakota/Area 51, etc).

The conspiracy can be thrown out for other reasons besides the pure being of a conspiracy. Let us pretend, first, that this video was part of a conspiracy. That would mean a) the video is staged, b) all dozen-or-so witnesses were fake, and c) I’m out of my mind.

According to an essay by Mitch Randall, an electrical engineer and self-dubbed expert on ufology, not only would it require the false-witness of many people, it would demand unreasonable capital for the circumstances (approximately $5,000) because the video is not really profitable at all. On top of that, it would take someone incredibly skilled, not only in one aspect, but in every facet of film production. Meaning the person would need to know how to direct, screen-write, act, make a storyboard, and operate a camera. Needless to say add in the incredibly real special effects of the UFO into the frame.

It just isn’t reasonable for all of this to take place without it being real.

It’s so clearly obvious that the governments of the world are suppressing the truth of extraterrestrial contact that something needs to be done about it. No international government has made UFOs a threat to their security or safety, so information about these sightings should be more publicly released. United States Air Force documents and all witness testimonies still have yet to be released on the Roswell incident.

How can anyone explain sex addiction?

According to a 2009 episode of the Comedy Central cartoon, “South Park,” two aliens from the spacecraft that hit Roswell were hidden in Independence Hall and kept top secret, and apparently one of them was a dark Alien-Wizard that had the ability to cause wealthy middle-age men to pursue interests in women other than their wives.

I can’t remember if infidelity existed before 1947 or not.

Maybe they were just weather balloons.