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Five Stars for the Oscars

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Each year, I watch the awards for the comedy alone. Even though the people I watch with inevitably end up yelling at me for my running commentary and constant laughing, I simply can’t resist. The awards are a comedic goldmine, and I love them for it. I like to divide the show into three sections, each providing endless amusement.

1. The whole fiasco begins with the red carpet, one of my favorite parts. Celebrities strut down that carpet, posing after every step they take. They look stunning, their hair is professionally done, and they’re wearing dresses that cost more than the car I’m probably going to get when I turn 16. Yet, there is something that dulls the glitter of these poor celebrities.

The critics.

There they stand, a small huddle of TV show hosts, waiting like vultures to pounce on whatever dress they find unsatisfactory. And the celebrities know it. You can see the tension: their set jaws, their eye twitches, their subtle flinches as they see the critics glancing at their gowns.

Everyone acts as though they are the best of friends, and there is the comedy of it all. As the one objective bystander, you laugh at their pain as you watch from the sidelines.

2. Watching the celebrities file into the awards auditorium is like watching students file into the lunchroom. People scan the room with narrowed eyes, glaring at their competitors and past rivals. They glaze a fake smile onto their perfectly made-up faces, but you alone, the viewer, can see the fire that glows within their eyes.

The best part of watching the celebrities saunter into the room is creating backstories. Watch the emotional roller coaster that is playing out on their faces, and imagine you know what they are thinking.

“Her dress looks like an ostrich committed cannibalism and threw up.”

“Looks like somebody needs a date with Jenny Craig—as fast as they can waddle there.”

“They’re a cute couple—if by cute you mean going to create an alternate race that combines humans and demons. So cute.”

If you really want to have fun at this years Academy Awards, watch for the eye-arrows that will fly between Brangelina.

3. The beginning of the awards ceremony is the best part for me. While many celebrate the winners, with their glowing facial expressions and the joy that shows easily on smiling faces, I turn to the losers for the real comedy.

As the winner is announced, the camera inevitably turns to two groups of people: those who have won and those who have not.

The glowering faces of those who have not won are absolutely priceless.

You watch them in their internal struggle. They believe that their work of genius is not being honored as it should be, yet, if they show it, everyone will be furious. Slowly, a smile begins to spread, and they golf-clap politely for the next few moments.

As the ceremony begins to fade into the lesser awards, the attention span of America (including mine) begins to dry up. The people winning the awards start to look like actual people, and I start to actually take pity on those who are losing. And, there, the comedy begins to fizzle out.

Yet, I would still like to thank the Academy—for the funniest awards show of the year.

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About the Contributor
Cadence Neenan, Web Managing Editor
By the age of 18, most kids have not yet chosen their favorite word. In fact, most teenagers have never even thought about such a question. Perhaps a few have been asked on a “Getting to Know You” sheet handed out by English teachers on the first day of school. But in that case, most probably just mindlessly scribbled words onto their sheets such as “literally,” or “totally,” or “dude.” Cadence Neenan ’15, on the other hand, has thought about this deeply. Her favorite word is “loquacious.” Neenan grew up in a home that fostered a love for all things English. With her mom as a former Staples High School English teacher and her dad as a librarian, Neenan was destined for a love affair with vocabulary, grammar, and reading. “My mom always used to read to me ever since I was little,” she said. “I love to read because I was raised to be a good reader.” In school, Neenan has opted to create a heavy course load that reflects her love of English and reading. AP Lit, AP Lang, AP Euro, and AP Gov are just a few of the difficult classes Neenan has chosen to take on. For Neenan, however, much of the learning and “fun with English” goes on outside the class material. “The other night, I was reading a poem during English class,” Neenan said. “I really liked it, so I brought it home and showed my mom. We spent the whole 45 minutes at dinner rhetorically analyzing it and talking about the devices the author used. It was so fun.” Alongside typical English classes, Neenan has also become a part of Inklings to exercise her love of writing. After taking Intro to Journalism, she fell in love with newspaper writing and, since then, has proven herself to be an essential Inklings player, as she is now the Web Managing Editor. “When I found out that I got Web Managing I had a panic attack because I was so happy,” Neenan said. “I like being a managing editor because I love the freedom the web gives me to be creative with my ideas.” Neenan also plans to use her journalism and writing skills in college and, later, in her career. “In college I want to study political science, but I am considering using that to go into journalism,” Neenan said. “Going into journalism with a focus on politics is what I am really interested in.”

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